beauty
love
joy
peace
faithfulness
gentleness
patience
self-control
(1) The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Let it come in. We think we dont deserve love, we think
if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man called Levine said it right. Love is the only rational act. (2) Sometimes, in the mornings, that's when i mourn. I feel around my body,
I move my fingers and my hands--whatever I can still move-- and I mourn for what I've lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I am dying. But then, i stop. I give myself a good cry if
i need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life. YOU. (3) The culture doesnt encourage us to think about regrets until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with
egotistical things, career, family, having enough money--trillions of little acts just to keep going. We dont have the habit to stand back and look at our lives "Is this all I want?" You need
someone to probe you in that direction. It doesnt happen automatically. I have found my teacher. Have you found yours? (4) Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Listen to that bird
on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time, you might not be as ambitious as you are. (5) Love each other or perish. Family-- nothing else can give you spiritual security. Not
money, not fame. (6) Learn to detach. Dont cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Let the experience penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. If you dont allow yourself
to go all the way through them, you can never get to being detached. You're too busy being afraid, afraid of pain, grief and vulnerability. Throw yourself into these emotions. Dive in, all the way.
Then, you will know what the emotions are, and detach. (7) You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And age, is not
competitive. How can I be envious of where you are--when I've been there myself? (8) Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community and people around you, create something
that gives you meaning. Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you wont be dissatified, envious and longing for someone else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed
with what comes back. (9) Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.Think of my voice and I will be there. (10) Respect, compromise and talk openly. Have a common set of values in life with
your partner. (11) The biggest defect we human beings have is our short-sightedness. Invest in the human family. Invest in those you love and who love you. In the beginning of life, when we were infants,
we need others to survive, right? At the end of life, you need others to survive right? (12) Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Tears are okay. Life is a tension of opposites. (13) As long as we can love
each other, and remember, the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. Death ends a life, not a rlnship. (14) I love you, Coach. He had finally made me cry.
Above-- excerpts fr Tuesdays with Morrie... (My entries, links and tagboard are in that order -> respectively.)
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Tuesday, October 03, 2006
A sad 4th term started...
(1) My 3 patients DNAed on me. DID NOT ATTEND WITHOUT PRIOR REASON. ALL THREE. made me feel so.. discouraged.. waited like a fool along the damn corridor for them.. really. waited like an idiot. i felt as if im not competent enough, i felt as if i wasted so much time on them, hoping they will progress.. i felt as if.. i screwed up.. i felt as if the whole world has fallen..
i even thought that speech therapy is not the one for me. okay, i cried. i cried alot.
(2) In horror to clinics, where i waited 4 hours for 1 hour clinic meeting, i have two more reports due next week.
how to do? no guidelines.. what am i supposed to be? Superwoman?
(3) My exam time table was out. 04/11, 06/11, 08/11, 10/11, 14/11, 17/11.. a whole bunch of numbers. 6 exams. ALL must pass.. I start before others, end on the latest date.. people can tell me that their first exams on the 4th, and they end on the 10/11 with two papers. I tell people, within ur 2 papers, i did 4.
So, am i a superwoman? no, im this girl in Brisbane, struggling.
(4) In addition to that, i was hoping to seek encouragement and comfort. and what i got instead, insensitive remark. I quarrelled with someone dear to me.
Not as if your patient died. Why you like that. Well, IF ONLY i had a patient to start with. Why didnt you understand?
(5) I knocked my elbow against the door. It was the site of my dislocation cum fracture in Sec 4. It ached so much. It swelled.. My elbow had a mind of its own.. decided to rebel.. and there it went.
Was i meant to be? The girl that i wanted to be.. Was i meant to have all these? I thought more than often.. Is all these what i want? Are all the sacrifices worth it for my future which is currently still unknown? Can i bear all these stress from uni? Was i even meant to be a speechie? Why? Am i just pure unlucky to start with or.. why?
So discouraged. Sigh. i dunno how this last 4 weeks of uni, 6 weeks to exams will be. I am down.
*brena*; timed 11:49 PM