beauty
love
joy
peace
faithfulness
gentleness
patience
self-control
(1) The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Let it come in. We think we dont deserve love, we think
if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man called Levine said it right. Love is the only rational act. (2) Sometimes, in the mornings, that's when i mourn. I feel around my body,
I move my fingers and my hands--whatever I can still move-- and I mourn for what I've lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I am dying. But then, i stop. I give myself a good cry if
i need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life. YOU. (3) The culture doesnt encourage us to think about regrets until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with
egotistical things, career, family, having enough money--trillions of little acts just to keep going. We dont have the habit to stand back and look at our lives "Is this all I want?" You need
someone to probe you in that direction. It doesnt happen automatically. I have found my teacher. Have you found yours? (4) Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Listen to that bird
on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time, you might not be as ambitious as you are. (5) Love each other or perish. Family-- nothing else can give you spiritual security. Not
money, not fame. (6) Learn to detach. Dont cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Let the experience penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. If you dont allow yourself
to go all the way through them, you can never get to being detached. You're too busy being afraid, afraid of pain, grief and vulnerability. Throw yourself into these emotions. Dive in, all the way.
Then, you will know what the emotions are, and detach. (7) You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And age, is not
competitive. How can I be envious of where you are--when I've been there myself? (8) Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community and people around you, create something
that gives you meaning. Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you wont be dissatified, envious and longing for someone else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed
with what comes back. (9) Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.Think of my voice and I will be there. (10) Respect, compromise and talk openly. Have a common set of values in life with
your partner. (11) The biggest defect we human beings have is our short-sightedness. Invest in the human family. Invest in those you love and who love you. In the beginning of life, when we were infants,
we need others to survive, right? At the end of life, you need others to survive right? (12) Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Tears are okay. Life is a tension of opposites. (13) As long as we can love
each other, and remember, the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. Death ends a life, not a rlnship. (14) I love you, Coach. He had finally made me cry.
Above-- excerpts fr Tuesdays with Morrie... (My entries, links and tagboard are in that order -> respectively.)
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Mood: Moody (just like Esmee's periodic complaint of not having real true friends here)
Brisbane suddenly became a depressing place to live in/stay in.. Today went to uni with Tanvi. wanted to sign up for N.Stradbroke Island trip.. but it is alr filled. sigh. so much of a mid sem break. im doing nothing for a mid sem break. how crap. then, Tanvi saw her friends & her friends' friends.. and ya, they hang out pretty often n stuff.. Suddenly i saw my life in another perspective.
Yes, i may know quite a number of people here. But, i dont hang out with them. even if i do, they're not the people who i click with 100%.. prob about 30%? (you will notice it when i go silent suddenly when im with these people. ever since i came here, im the silent listener of the people i hang out with. i rarely talk.) and even if there're people whom i can click with 100%, they're with the people whom are the 30% and i dont want to force myself to hang out with the 30%s just for the 100% people.. Sigh.
I want to have a group of friends who i feel v comfortable with, feel v at home with, can talk anything under the sun, not feel as if i was being controlled, not feel as if i was being forced to do/believe in anything i dont want to.. I want to have a group of friends who i can get them out for lunch in uni, hang out over weekends, plan something during breaks (eg road trips, little sleepovers).. I want to have a group of friends who accept me for who I am.. not the clubbing clubbing sort.. but have fun travelling around, have fun hanging out, we can study together, play hard together.. and accept me for being serious about my uni work.. I want to have a group of friends who i can just say "head out for lunch?" and we'll all meet up. I want to have a group of friends who on this kind of night will be there where i can ring them up and talk to them.. (they will prob never let me feel the way im feeling now).. I want to have a group of friends who over holidays i can confirm organise road trips n stuff.. I want to have a group of friends i can go over their house and hang out.. study.. cook.. etc etc.
But now.. I only have sparse vegetation of friends.. everywhere around.. but no one is there when u need them.. no one is there when i go "i want to go on a road trip. but who to go with?" no one is there when i have nights like these when i feel lonely.. no one is there when i want to go over their house n hang out.. no one is there...
people make me feel uncomfortable here.. i always feel that way.. other than one or two and my coursemates.. i feel strange being in a land like this.. i look at Tanvi, she has her gang to hang out with.. i look at Joyce, she also has her grp of friends to hang out with.. i look at Billy they all, they also have their grp of friends to hang out with.. i look at my juniors, they all hang out with their friends..
i dont think i can find a grp of friends whom i can 100% click with, form tight bonds with.. at least not here..
is it because i have strict criteria of friends? i hang out with the above named really perfectly well.. but i will never like 100% hang out w them totally cause their grps are just so different from me.. issues like having fun (clubbing when i do not ever desire), issues like personal beliefs, like my strict principles in life.. i cant change all these principles that i have, that im brought up with, just to suit them.. it will not be the Brena that more people know me as.
maybe i should alr count my blessings that i have a group of friends in Sg who are like that.. maybe double lives should not exist at all..
sigh. oh how i miss lionel. how i miss kenneth. how i miss esmee. how i miss Shiming. sigh.. uni sucked all their lives away. im sad.
i feel so neglected.
*brena*; timed 6:14 PM