beauty
love
joy
peace
faithfulness
gentleness
patience
self-control
(1) The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Let it come in. We think we dont deserve love, we think
if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man called Levine said it right. Love is the only rational act. (2) Sometimes, in the mornings, that's when i mourn. I feel around my body,
I move my fingers and my hands--whatever I can still move-- and I mourn for what I've lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I am dying. But then, i stop. I give myself a good cry if
i need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life. YOU. (3) The culture doesnt encourage us to think about regrets until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with
egotistical things, career, family, having enough money--trillions of little acts just to keep going. We dont have the habit to stand back and look at our lives "Is this all I want?" You need
someone to probe you in that direction. It doesnt happen automatically. I have found my teacher. Have you found yours? (4) Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Listen to that bird
on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time, you might not be as ambitious as you are. (5) Love each other or perish. Family-- nothing else can give you spiritual security. Not
money, not fame. (6) Learn to detach. Dont cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Let the experience penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. If you dont allow yourself
to go all the way through them, you can never get to being detached. You're too busy being afraid, afraid of pain, grief and vulnerability. Throw yourself into these emotions. Dive in, all the way.
Then, you will know what the emotions are, and detach. (7) You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And age, is not
competitive. How can I be envious of where you are--when I've been there myself? (8) Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community and people around you, create something
that gives you meaning. Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you wont be dissatified, envious and longing for someone else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed
with what comes back. (9) Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.Think of my voice and I will be there. (10) Respect, compromise and talk openly. Have a common set of values in life with
your partner. (11) The biggest defect we human beings have is our short-sightedness. Invest in the human family. Invest in those you love and who love you. In the beginning of life, when we were infants,
we need others to survive, right? At the end of life, you need others to survive right? (12) Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Tears are okay. Life is a tension of opposites. (13) As long as we can love
each other, and remember, the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. Death ends a life, not a rlnship. (14) I love you, Coach. He had finally made me cry.
Above-- excerpts fr Tuesdays with Morrie... (My entries, links and tagboard are in that order -> respectively.)
//-->
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
This is a blog entry written for the Higher Being up there who's constantly watching over me.
There're a few things that have been bothering me, since a few days ago.. that i need you to divulge to me your divine plan for me in my life.
There's a scholarship i am interested in.. which will bond me to Singapore for 6years, only paying for 2 years of my education in Australia. though it will only cover half of the total tuition fees that i am paying, it is still a considerable amount of money. if i have gotten the scholarship, my parents can at least channel the money (6 figure sum) to the correct place and our finances will be better. The money can be used for greater uses. the bond for 6years imply that i have to stay in Singapore until i am 29years old and work my guts off for the government. but, it will give me a secure and safe job for at least 6years before i intend to work overseas or get out of the public sector to the private sector. also, the 6years means that no matter what kind of crappy graduate schools NUS wants to provide for the Faculty of Arts students to pursue post grad speech, i wont have to fight with them for a job. cause i alr have a secure ricebowl for 6years. and also, i dont like to fight with people unnecessarily. the scholarship will probably allow me to climb up faster in the ladder.. which i want to.. and eventually be the head of dept.. (i dont really care about the ethics that comes to climbing up the ladder) im someone who sees the end but will take all means to reach to the end.
the thing is. to recent years, MOH has been liking to screw things up for me.. like awarding the speech therapy scholarship to some RI-HCJC people who are totally arrogant, hate speech therapy and does not give a hoot about speech therapy. i think MOH is gradually turning blind and i dont like them to even be my juniors in uni, not to say, colleagues in future. not only that, the "plans for the crappy NUS post-grad sch" does really drain my blood off.
wisdom, friends and my dad have told me that it is not worth slogging my guts off for a 2yr scholarship to get that rice bowl. wisdom says that i might be able to find a better place to work in Australia, gain overseas experience, come back as a professional, rather than a fresh graduate. this means, higher prestige, higher pay. friends told me that seeing how Australia has morphed me, they think i will be a happier person there.. (they also look at the $ factor) Also, they know that i wont be happy getting bonded cause i hate the lack of freedom. Their foresight is that, why work in Sg when i can have a better place to work in Aussie and i dont have to face Singaporeans! as for my dad, he is my wisdom. ha. he wants me to work there, get a PR there and in the long term, move over there. but my dad doesnt know that to get a PR, it is another one-fifth of a million for Visa. 3 out of every 5 years in Australia. Also, he thinks that in Australia, i get to have more experience, better work place and benefits (4 weeks annual leave for fresh grads. beat that, Singapore.) As for myself, im very happy with my life in Australia, i cant figure out 10ways of me not liking that place but i can figure out 100ways of me not liking Singapore. Also, if i actually get into a rlnship w someone in Australia, n if he wants me to stay there to work, i will gladly do it. but if he is an Asian and wants to be home to work, i will also gladly do it. i just want job security.
What i am worrying now.. is that ridiculous MOH will continue giving scholarships away like as if they're free Hello Kitty soft toys from MacDonalds.. if not, giving them as though they're not worth $.. they're worth one-fifth of a million bucks. Also, if ridiculous MOH continues to plan to have a post-grad school of speech for the NUS Faculty of Arts people.. (i seriously do not like NUS now), i will not have a place for my own in Singapore (which i once thought it was my homeland) and i wont be able to pioneer what i want to do and be the cream out of the crappy crop. And if things were to be like that, i rather stay in Australia, work there permanently and not return back Singapore. I give back my knowledge to the society and country that gave me the expertise. and unfortunately, it is not Singapore. I am not a quitter, but am someone who got screwed up by my own national country.
I am torn between striving for the scholarship and continuing being my not-bonded by anyth-student who is free to pursue my career at any part of the world. I am torn between being able to seek a job and if there's even a job for me (after spending so much $). I am just torn.
Also, other than these academic issues, i have my grandparents' and their really illing health to worry about. If there's a reason for me to be back in Sg, it would be because of my grandparents and parents only. Cause both my sisters do not care a hoot about me being back, the younger one wants to get rid of me as soon as possible so that she can continue dating her bf.. and i reckon in time to come, they do not need me to be around as they will be taken care of.
Dear Higher Being, i pray that You can divulge some of these little steps that i should take, and guide me slowly to what my ultimate destination in life.. a .com.au or a .com.sg .. i know all of these is stemmed from my previous decision to study overseas. if i had stayed in NUS and be a crappy student in that crappy uni, none of these would have taken place. Dear Higher Being, i pray that You bless everyone around me with good health, a good 2006 and lesser hospital visits. I know You gave me a medical-related job for the benefits of the handicapped or health-challenged people who need me so, let me do the job and do not let the elderly in my family suffer so much. Dear Higher Being, i really need your guidance to tell me which path to take and i really need that encouragement to last me for another 3more years of academic life. cause i feel that the incentive of my job/career is wining.. and i cant figure out what is pushing me on any more. i told my dad i cant find the motivation to study hard now since there's nothing in Singapore for me to look forward to.
Dear Higher Being, please guide me. Scholarship or not, staying in Aussie to work or not.. my path seems really really murky. please please shine some light into my life. please please guide me to the scholarship. please please please guide me to where my life should start and end. please please please please.. i know i shouldnt worry. cause even birds dont have to worry where they stay and You take care of them so well.. please bring someone into my life. who will define it and guide me to where my life should start.
*brena*; timed 2:42 PM