beauty
love
joy
peace
faithfulness
gentleness
patience
self-control
(1) The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Let it come in. We think we dont deserve love, we think
if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man called Levine said it right. Love is the only rational act. (2) Sometimes, in the mornings, that's when i mourn. I feel around my body,
I move my fingers and my hands--whatever I can still move-- and I mourn for what I've lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I am dying. But then, i stop. I give myself a good cry if
i need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life. YOU. (3) The culture doesnt encourage us to think about regrets until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with
egotistical things, career, family, having enough money--trillions of little acts just to keep going. We dont have the habit to stand back and look at our lives "Is this all I want?" You need
someone to probe you in that direction. It doesnt happen automatically. I have found my teacher. Have you found yours? (4) Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Listen to that bird
on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time, you might not be as ambitious as you are. (5) Love each other or perish. Family-- nothing else can give you spiritual security. Not
money, not fame. (6) Learn to detach. Dont cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Let the experience penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. If you dont allow yourself
to go all the way through them, you can never get to being detached. You're too busy being afraid, afraid of pain, grief and vulnerability. Throw yourself into these emotions. Dive in, all the way.
Then, you will know what the emotions are, and detach. (7) You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And age, is not
competitive. How can I be envious of where you are--when I've been there myself? (8) Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community and people around you, create something
that gives you meaning. Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you wont be dissatified, envious and longing for someone else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed
with what comes back. (9) Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.Think of my voice and I will be there. (10) Respect, compromise and talk openly. Have a common set of values in life with
your partner. (11) The biggest defect we human beings have is our short-sightedness. Invest in the human family. Invest in those you love and who love you. In the beginning of life, when we were infants,
we need others to survive, right? At the end of life, you need others to survive right? (12) Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Tears are okay. Life is a tension of opposites. (13) As long as we can love
each other, and remember, the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. Death ends a life, not a rlnship. (14) I love you, Coach. He had finally made me cry.
Above-- excerpts fr Tuesdays with Morrie... (My entries, links and tagboard are in that order -> respectively.)
//-->
Monday, December 12, 2005
my dream:
i dreamt that you held my hand and we were together hand-in-hand.. we were very blissful and i kept asking you to pinch me to see if i was dreaming. we were roaming the streets, shopping.. doing random stuff.. it was in Singapore streets cause i recognised it.. somewhere in btw your school and my school.. cause i saw both schools and kids clad in both schools' uniform.. suddenly we sort sat a bus.. alighted the bus.. i think i sent you home.. because after the bus ride, somehow the dream shifted to the next day.. where i was alone.. i saw you apparently in school.. i went up to say hi but you gave me the cold cold look and the cold cold hi before walking away. it was then i realised that the thing about both of us together was too shortlived.. i felt lost for a moment and i decided to take my life as it comes and i had coffee after it.
reality:
the above was really what i dreamt of.. seriously.. in reality, my sisters and my mum said that you're a total jerk who likes to lead people on. i was feeling a tad agreeable with that.. but somehow i cant seem to reconcile that with myself.. sometimes i am just so disappointed by your reactions.. and really, there's no future like that.. 4yrs ago til now, you came into my life like a ghost and disappeared again like a ghost.. for 5-6freaking times.. it comes to a point where i have to say STOP IT.. really really stop it. spare me of that. it is like.. when i become non-chalant towards you, you will give me so much attention.. until i am so used to it.. and then you suddenly disappear again, leaving me to clear up the mess. i am sick and tired of doing it. enough is enough. you know, whatever little friendship of love, feelings or whatsoever, have already evolved to something called exhaust and tiredom.. one semester without even needing you was good.. though it can be better, but i wont ask for more.. dont blame me for being oh-so-non-chalant towards you.. cause you forced me to.. you made me into this horrible ugly monster who no longer wants to be ur cheerleader in life. and i dont want to waste effort and time on you. i was ur cheerleader, but you replied me "huh? are you telling that to the right person?" i got fed up.
for a person like me who believes that as long as i persevere, everything will work out.. it is strange that i am not applying it in this context. but, enough is really enough. esp after the wedding dinner last night (i will elab on it later), i am so convinced that you cant take care of me cause i cant SEE that you will have the ability to.. whatever happens from now, i probably wont give it a damn. you told me tall stories about why i was uncontactable, why you were uncontactable for the whole sem.. then i figured out.. maybe Fate was acting in the right way. so it does really mean that when i am back in Australia for 2/3s of the year, i wont be contacting you. and it also means that the june winter vacation for me (where i have to die die use up my HK air ticket) i wont be meeting up with you. cause in Simple words, I DONT WANT TO. i hate you and i so really do.
what happened:
last night i went for a grandcousin's wedding dinner. it is my mum's cousin, so i think it makes it my grandcousin. hehe.. and that grandcousin.. is sorta the son of my granddad's brother.. but the thing is that we have never seen each other before for our entire lifetime.. cause either my great grandma or great grandpa practised polygamy (ie alot of spouses).. so i have relatives that i dunno and never seen b4 lurking around in Singapore.. so, yes.. it was held at Holiday Inn behind OG in Orchard. it wasnt that bad.. sat around with my uncles and aunties.. who apparently have kids who need referals to speechies in SGH.. so they were asking for my opinion.. mountainous task for a first yr graduate. haha.. but oh well, i gave them my opinions.. and told them that speechies are the most benign creatures on earth. haha. ok, that is professionally and career based.. cause if it was on a personal level, i am not the most benign person. my bark is worse than my bite and you all know it. but anyway, haha.. ya lar.. they were amazed at the work that i do.. so it was good seeing them.. cause they missed me so much as well... hehe.. they had a total of only 13 tables.. which i was totally flabbergasted at .. i was like !! HUH??!! when i get married, i at least need 20 tables for all my family n friends can!!! my family.. my dad n my mum side.. can easily take up like... 8 tables.. the other 12 tables.. seeing that there're like 10 seats per table.. and assuming that all my friends would be happily attached, married, engaged.. i can have 5pairs of friends per table.. and i have HEAPS and HEAPS of friends.. like what.. esmee, lionel, SM, JH, Ken can take up one table alr.. then those like Kwun Kit, King Kee... primary to sec school friends.. all can flood my wedding.. and not forgetting those friends i made in Australia.. Joyce etc etc.. and those Aussie-local people like Ali.. i also think i will invite them.. my coursemates.. my colleagues in future... 20tables might be an underestimate.. hehe... madness larz... but, im just going to take a broad perspective of each wedding i attend now.. hehe.. so that i know which is good and which isnt.. but there's only one major thing that i was discussing with yongkai about.. haha.. and that is.. i am still single. so, cant think that much.. let things come.. haha... and ya, haha... cause we were talking about my date with a vampire 3 that was on tv as well.
anyway, lesson learnt here: IT IS EXPENSIVE TO MARRY ME. 20 TABLES WORTH.. AND I WANT IT AT THE MARRIOTT HOTEL IN ORCHARD.. THE ONE BESIDE CK TANG. CAUSE IT WAS EMPRESS TREATMENT FOR MY ANOTHER COUSIN AT THAT HOTEL.. AND I MISSED THE WEDDING CAUSE I WAS IN AUSTRALIA.. SO, I DIE DIE WANT MINE THERE. hahaha...
on a lighter note, i will concentrate on people who love me..
(1) ali and odie have been the nicest people around.. hehe. remembered my birthday.. and still can maintained their cuteness via emailing to me.. :) really so cute!! really love them heaps manz.
(2) king kee smsed me from pearce! perth!! he is there for pilot training.. and yes, one more extra kaki to talk to on the phone when i am back in Australia... hope he's doing great there.. anyway, it really brings me to think.. boy, i think i am quite amazing at my adaptability.. seriously.
-bree-
pls: i know why i am having super low tolerance level to the guy i have been mentioning and the dream that i had.. because of that craig david song.. "i just dont love you no more".. it is just so nice..
*brena*; timed 12:56 PM